There's no reason why the office bully should make your working day miserable. Freelance writer Calum Robson looks at coping strategies.
It's one thing to be the object of a lighthearted comment or an email that keeps everyone chortling and office morale high ' but what happens when things get out of hand?
Bullying is not confined to the school playground. Colleagues or bosses, individually or collectively, can routinely make life miserable for innocent workers. Severe cases of office bullying can lead to depression, nervous breakdown or even suicide.
These instances are few and far between ' but that doesn't make things easier for the thousands of people who suffer lesser forms of workplace bullying in silence.
Know the cause
The UK's Chartered Management Institute cites top causes of office bullying as a lack of management skills and personality clashes ' as well as previous failure to deal with bullies. It is calling on businesses to act before the point where bullying affects morale or performance.
'Stress, frustration and anxiety all create conflict, and people bring their strained personal relationships into the office, distracting others,' says Dr Frank Hanna, founder of the Mediation Agency. 'Malcontents tend to bring the place down around them ' you've got to take people away from their anger to get them to rationalise.'
Bullying usually takes place ' or at least starts ' at a more minor level, often presenting victims with the opportunity to resolve the issue themselves. People who suspect they're being bullied but who are not psychologically scarred might quietly make notes about the bully's behaviour, rather than hitting back. That can provide useful evidence should things need to be taken further.
'Most bullies are insecure,' says Mandy, who was the butt of cruel, unjustified jokes about her standard of work by a colleague, often in full hearing of peers, although never managers. 'They're often over compensating for not feeling good enough themselves, if they've been passed over for a promotion or don't have enough control over their job. Bullying gives them a feeling of power. Recognising that made me relatively immune to my bullying, and it showed ' I stopped responding and she gave up.'
Office rage
Recent research into the causes of 'office rage', commissioned by office equipment company Canon, found that ill manners, workplace politics and being spoken down to were frequent reasons cited by people who had witnessed acts of visible anger at work, with colleagues letting their frustration get the better of them. Psychotherapist and occupational stress expert Lucy Beresford says, 'Office rage is on the increase ' but even initiatives such as crisper meetings or interpersonal kindness could reduce stress levels.'
For low key instances, judicious use of humour can be a gentle but effective counter attack. 'You should always tell your manager or HR department if you can't deflect the bully,' says Brendan, a former sufferer of bullying. 'But sometimes the boss is the problem. Mine regularly and deliberately talked to me as if I was barely capable of switching on a PC, never mind putting a set of accounts together. But before I reported her ' which I did, in the end ' I began coming back with subtle, witty comments that showed I took it lightly. The situation didn't escalate any further but it persisted at a low level ' which, at busy times, such as period end deadlines, made those days really difficult and unproductive.'
Getting round the table
Bringing in a mediator may be the only solution ' yet many people find it hard to admit to their manager or to an HR professional that they're being bullied, or that they need help in dealing with the situation.
'Seeking mediation from a manager or from a neutral third party is not a sign of weakness,' says Daren De Witt, a conflict resolution consultant at NVC Resolutions. 'Two people will find it hard to see each other's situation objectively if their judgment is clouded by anger and irritation.'
Whether or not you seek mediation, it's always better to get the situation out in the open, if for no other reason than for validation that you're not in the wrong.
And think about another important angle. As Brendan says, 'One of the reasons I took action about my boss was that she was training me ' and I didn't want to find myself taking on her approach for dealing with subordinates later on in my career.'
Top tips to beat the bully
- Tell yourself that no one has the right to bully you, no matter how you perform your job
- You're under no obligation to resolve the situation yourself ' your HR team should know how to handle the situation.
- Document each instance of bullying, being specific about words, circumstances, times and dates.
- Steel yourself ' you'll need patience and an open mind.
- Don't start an email war ' you might harm your chances of a successful resolution.
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